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Stop Adding To Your Misery - Recognizing and Dealing with the Negative People in Life

People often come in contact with others that are negative, drag morale down and cause frustration because of having to deal with them.

Personality Disordered Individuals – or PDIs, as they are known in the psychiatric world – are nothing short of users, manipulators, smooth talkers, and guilt-trippers who make people feel miserable. 

In Say Goodbye to Your PDI: Recognize People Who Make Your Miserable and Eliminate Them from Your Life for Good! (HCI Books, 2007), Stan Kapuchinski, M.D., has a prescription complete with diagnosis, analysis, and ways to help people cope with their PDIs.

In his years of treating patients, Dr. Kapuchinski found that it is people’s relationships that cause much of the unhappiness in their lives.

Often, it is because they unwittingly fall into these relationships with a PDI, a very controlling person who makes them feel used and abused.

They feel powerless to do anything to get themselves out of the wretched situation in which they find themselves and frequently blame themselves if the relationship is not a happy one…all the result of the PDIs skillful manipulating.

“My book focuses on giving insight and a new perspective on these relationships which can cause you such misery and unhappiness. With this perspective, you get this ‘Aha, it isn’t me’ insight," he said.

The essence of the PDI is to play on your guilt, your insecurity, your ‘niceness’. Your feelings of being mistreated will be validated and you will see that you are not alone in this situation,” Kapuchinski added.

The psychologist has identified several categories of PDIs including:

  • Blamers – provoke and control others with guilt.  This is the passive-aggressive personality type who are negative and attempt to put the blame for their problems on others around them.
  • Seductress – emotional and attention-seeking.  The histrionic PDI
  • Smooth Operator – charms, beguiles, and captivates others, but who is actually cold inside and displays an antisocial personality disorder
  • Intense, Demanding, Extreme and Unstable – think Fatal Attraction for this type.
  • Egotistic and Pompous – exist to be adored and admired, very narcissistic personality type

He goes on to describe each of these types in detail and identifies characteristics that the person will show in various settings, including personal and professional ones. 

This process also extends to the workplace and can poison an entire department. For example, Blamers may show the following characteristics while at work:

  • Always late for appointments
  • ·Questions any and all of another person’s comments, suggestions or recommendations
  • Gets indignant over advice
  • Seems to cooperate but then undermines or sabotages anything that others suggest
  • They are obstructive and generally bring out the worst in fellow employees
  • See only the gloomy side and pull morale down
  • Make you watch your back

While in some cases, a person can simply eliminate a PDI from their life to resolve the problems, obviously, in a workplace setting, people usually can’t choose the people that they will interact with. 

Rather than focusing on how readers can change, so that they can get along better with PDIs, as other books have done, Kapuchinski addresses “how the reader can recognize how they’re manipulated and how to change their approach so they feel better about themselves and feel a better sense of control in their life.” 

This can lead to a lessening of frustration and misery, especially in the workplace.

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